so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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