wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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