So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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