I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
