New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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