the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
