I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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