evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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