I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
