I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize