and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
