And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
