I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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