The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
