Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Im part way to drunk.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
