You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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