After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you traded sex for a burrito?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So vagazzling was a success
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