Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
