hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize