the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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