i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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