Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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