Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
