I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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