the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
