even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
