The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
