I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
