u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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