listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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