Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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