Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We got so high we made milksteak
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
