no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
