Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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