its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
