I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
