i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
