bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Still dying that you shit outside
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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