I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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