would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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