so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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