Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
