A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
