I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
