you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
