i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
