Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
