I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
