I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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