He asked me if I "almost moaned"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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