It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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