Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
