Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize