ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
