Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
