just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
