Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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