So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just google imaged poop.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
this is an emotional support booty call
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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