you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize