was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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