Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize