We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
