I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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