We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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