If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
