woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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