He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You have to summon your inner elephant
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
