Well apparently he's into motor boating.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
