he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
